When I first sat down to write this article, I was a little concerned due to the nature of the subject. Sex Sites: What are they and why do people visit them? Now obviously I’m not an expert psychologist in human behavior, but what I can say is that at one point in time I found myself visiting these sites as well. As an openly gay man, in the beginning it was difficult for me to find true friendship and love. Well, like so many other gay males out there, I ventured off to sites like A4A, Black Gay Chat, and Yahoo Personals (Gay Channels). In most cases, an individual’s initial intension of visiting these sites is one of pure curiosity. That curiosity can quickly turn to an obsession of lust, however, depending on the frequency the person stays connected to the site. This behavior has the potential of thrusting most gays into a world of empty one-night stands, community diseases, and scandals.

When entering these sites, you are instantly greeted with pornographic images of men performing sexual acts and advertisements for sexual products and movies. When looking at profiles, you see such titles as “I’m a TOP and looking for those DL bottoms,” followed by another series of sexual pictures depicting the proposed user’s private parts.  And it gets worse from here. You now have the option of telling the world what you are looking for in a playmate—and no, I am not referring to the brand Playboy. After your “you know what you want” ideal is created, you are now given the option of providing your medical history. To my surprise, I found many individuals who actually posted their medical history, HIV-positive or not. The ones who do not post their status generally let the unsuspecting viewer know that status by simply entering “bareback,” which is the act of having sex without a condom. 

These sites grow extremely popular during the annual Gay Pride events when gays are visiting from different locations from around the world. They go on to these sites and log into their visiting cities to find hookups for the weekend. At least for that one moment, they want to be alone and can look forward to something. 

Many gays feel that because homosexuality is not widely accepted, why try to fight for change? Instead, they just become what people say they are: Creatures that are totally sexually oriented and have no real purpose in society. As I was talking to different individuals about this subject, I came across a twenty-year-old gay male who was overly obsessed with his physical appearance. When I asked him if he visited sex sites, and if so which ones does he actively participate in, he responded with the following: “If I can’t fall in love with a man and be with him without the world ready to put me on the cross, why not just mess around? And maybe I will find someone. If not, I am okay with that, I guess.”  Unfortunately, like many others gays out there, we have let society dictate to us what we are and ultimately what will happen to us. 

However, there is a small percentage of people on these sex sites who are truly looking for love. They are there because they feel there is no other medium where they feel safe to meet other gay men. It seems like being gay is associated only with sex, and there is nothing else out there for a gay man to look forward to. 

Even though it is a challenge to find another friend or companion associated with the alternative lifestyle, it is not impossible. There has been a birth of sites out there that help individuals connect to one another. For example, Chemistry.Com helps people of the same sex to connect with each other by helping to find compatibility between two individuals. Another good social networking site is 411BlackStreet.Net—its sole purpose is to offer a safe social networking site for gays. 

Overall, I would have to say that sex sites can be bad for your self-esteem, soul, mind, and body. Look for other alternatives to meet same-sex-gender, loving individuals. Don’t be so quick to jump in bed and give yourself to someone just to become another notch on their belt. Instead, try searching for a person’s true “inner self”. If you do decide to use the Internet as one of your search mediums, there is nothing wrong with that. Just keep in mind that you want to use sites that promote a healthy lifestyle in all aspects.