Many women believe that being submissive (humbly obedient) can be a sign of weakness. It is definitely a struggle for me. In fact, because I am very strong, assertive, opinionated, and sometimes hard-headed, I have often misinterpreted submission as a negative characteristic.  This has been a great fear for me in regards to marriage, the fear of humbly submitting to my husband the way God intends me to. The Bible tells us that a wife should submit to her husband. God tells men to love their wives. Just a few verses up, He tells women to…what? Love their husbands? Be kind to them? Pamper them? No, He commands them to submit (Ephesians 5:22, 25). I honestly believe this, but I personally have a hard time realizing that when I get married I will be capable of being a completely submissive, docile woman. 

With the divorce rates reported at 50%, maybe it’s because more and more women today are not respecting their husbands as the man of the house. This is a very touchy and controversial subject. Some would argue that the submissive woman is obsolete today. Maybe it’s because the roles have reversed. Men and women have shifted roles. Let’s start out first with what the Bible says about the husband’s role in the household: “But if any man does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever” (1Timothy 5:8). So before we can discuss the woman’s role in the household, we must first assume that the husband is providing for his wife and family, being the leader, guide, and director. This does not mean that he should not make a decision without consulting or considering his wife and her wishes. The husband shall love and cherish his wife above all other human beings. 

“But I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of a woman, and God is the head of Christ” (1 Corinthians 11:3). Assuming the husband is the provider and leader, women should submit to their husbands. The key is that the husband must first be the provider. If it’s necessary for me to work and have a career to bring income into the household, then I have a problem with being a submissive woman—cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, and taking care of all of my husband’s needs. It’s almost insulting to say that as a lesser being I am incapable of conquering tasks and challenges outside of the home. In this day and age, the submissive wife has been replaced by the career woman with a 9 to 5 job who also happens to be a great mother and wife. It’s almost impossible for the wife to submit to her husband, taking care of his every need, when she is working outside of the home. Although my faith is strong in God and the Bible is very clear, I sometimes wonder how women can truly be submissive in the 21st century.